What Do I Want To Be When I 'Grow Up'?

Growing up always seemed as if it was so far away. It never really occurred to me that the time when I had to actually figure out what I wanted to do with my life would actually come. But here it is - my second year of university, the time that I really should start to figure out what I want to do. The problem is i'm no closer to knowing what I wanted to do than when I was little, indeed if anything I actually am further away! There were the early days of wanting to be a vet, then the dream of becoming a lawyer - which was quickly taken out of the picture when I saw my brother and sister go through the process and come out of the end looking tired and realising it wasn't all that great. 

I have never managed to find that one thing that I love doing; some people are naturally good at art, some at science, some sport. I unfortunately wasn't one of those lucky few. However, seeing as it is now necessary to decide upon something I figured I would write through my process of decided what I want to be when I am grown up.

I think I am going to do this through a process of elimination, going through the options and decided why this is definitely not for me. So, here it goes, why is it that I could never be a musician of any kind.

From an early age my parents were sure that I was a musical genius, and that this skill just had to be forced out of me through hours and hours of piano practice. My brother had been a chorister and a grade 8 flute player - so they figured what made me so different? So I went through three years of piano playing, practicing every day, trying my best... And at the end of those three years I had gone through three different music teachers and achieved a grand total of zero grades... I was still not even at the standard to do my grade 1 piano exam! After a long time of convincing my parents realised that PERHAPS the piano just wasn't for me... However, this didn't mean that there wasn't still a musical genius hidden in me, it just meant that I had chosen the wrong instrument! 

And so the process started again, only this time with the saxophone. The saxophone was not quite as much of a fail as the piano was, I was able to play and remember which notes were where (which was a large improvement...) and even sound quite nice at some points. However then we reached a new problem - I wasn't exactly gifted when it came to reading music... And by this I mean I could see which notes were which on the piece of paper, but when it came to extra funny symbols which were meant to all mean different things... it all just got too much for me! However this problem was slowly overcome and I became just about used to all the different symbols. THEN yet another problem arose... part of the exam I would be taking had some improvisation... this included knowing which notes sounded good together and having a beat - I could do neither of these and so, to cut to the end, I stopped playing the saxophone after roughly three years and again no grades... My worst memory of the saxophone had to be when I offered to play in my house music performance at school... During the rehearsals I just about held it together, not sounding great but that didn't really matter - it's not as if they could exactly ask me not to play seeing as I had volunteered). However, on the actual day of the performance for some reason my saxophone refused to play a single note! I had to stand on stage PRETENDING to play. I'm pretty sure that it was obvious that I wasn't actually playing seeing as the saxophone was a pretty crucial and loud part of the performance. So that was the first and last time I went on stage with an instrument...

So maybe an instrument wasn't for me...Maybe I had to use my natural musical talents - my voice? Well, there's really no story there... I have a vague memory in junior school of being turned away from the choir - either that or kicked out... Some people have a theory that everyone is able to sing, just some people have to be taught how and others are naturally good at it. I think that these people are wrong - and if they want me to prove it they can try and get me to sing! 

Other than that there was one last try with guitar; this lasted less time (partially due to being taught by a very pervy teacher who later tried to talk to me on Facebook through a strange alias...). I (and more importantly my parents) realised that music was not for me.

So there it is - the story of why I must cross of musician from my list of what I could be when I grow up. Hopefully I am one step closer to finding out what I could be.